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How are you supposed to feel when you have everything, yet it's out of reach?
Hence, how do you realize and make sure you hold it all? How are you completely and totally sure it'll remain loyal at your side, and whenever the colours seem hard to remember, they'll just shine like lights for you to glance them?

I'm trying hard, yet it's not possible. There's a dissonance, hidden somewhere in a buried corner of my mind.
There's this alarm call constantly beeping "alert" which doesn't let me sleep.
And He loves you, I'm sure of it. And you two will be happy. But when?
I'm scared, I'm scared my future might catch up with me, and swallow me. Swallow me to the past.
And all this darkness, it stores so many misteries and so many denied truths.
At any rate, I lie here, ill. Sick. Hating my own self, blaming my irresponsability. And this contrasting feelings, this ups and downs. I'm not sure I'm capable of handling it.
Would you lend me a hand? Is your hand concrete? Can I feel it? Pushing me to you. Drifting us astray.
What would you say if I miss him? If I miss not knowing myself?
I've rushed. I've rushed, nimbly and hasty, so many times. I want to sit back and enjoy, and watch the parallax of our movements fade away.
I'm hopeless. What can I say? Who's gonna be my lawyer?